Of mornings goneby...

I'm back home & blogging seems to be a natural recourse from boredom & an utter lack of things to do....not the only reasons though...I need peace & calm,which expressing myself in writing provides me in good measure..
Sometime in April,2012 this blog turned two...In case you are wondering how it feels,it feels as good as seeing a sapling you planted all grown up while you were away...dumb comparison,I know...but it kinda suits the occasion no??...
The last post on this blog was a  confused,mushy piece way back in August,2011...Long time...ain't it??..
No matter how hard I tried to finish the posts lying in the drafts folder,things just didn't work out...
Just one of those things about scribbling-If the flow ain't smooth,then probably you are trying too hard...
So I let it be,incomplete posts piling up the drafts folder...
Thanks to the people who visited the blog even during this rather uncharacteristic absence...Here's hoping I can make for this absence soon...

I haven't felt too good about myself lately...However,the immediate trigger for this post weren't any of those feelings but something as simple as a sunrise witnessed after a pre-exam night out...

Read on...
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It was 4:00 a.m. on the clock...the late sleepers had slept,the early risers would have risen in an hour...I was awake,as I had been the whole night..
"last exam,just one more & then the train back home",I made a mental note...three consecutive night-outs had left me mentally & physically drained (& that showed in my answer-sheets I guess...messed up every single paper)...
More than the sleep,it was the fatigue that had begun to show...Having walked into the balcony  for some fresh air,I was pleasantly surprised by the cool breeze that lashed against my sleepy face...Add to it,a koel's rhythmic 'kuhu-kuhu' & the red hues of the rising sun in the sky all combined and I had a feeling which had been long forgotten..
Yes,something as simple as the sunrise which had turned into a lost pleasure in life...I don't remember the last time I witnessed a sunrise or felt the early morning chill...surprising no??
Probably just side-effects of the 'late to bed & late to rise' way of life...
Nevertheless,those 15 odd minutes stuck and brought reminiscences back of some other dawns etched as strongly in memory...mornings that have goneby in the course of growing up to never be back again..
This post shall deal with some of those..In fact,you might just have read the first..

Memories of a 5 year-old me waking up on my bed early morning after having dozed off almost anywhere in the house would surely rank amongst the earliest of such memories...remember questioning dad every single  time as to how that happened & him exchanging mysterious smiles with mom in return...seemed MAGIK back then..
Ah!!...childhood mysteries...

It wasn't always the innocence which made mornings memorable...At times,the persuasive self of a 7 year old had proved equally adept...
Dad often recalls with a laugh how often I accompanied him as part of Baarat's only to doze off even before reaching the bride's house...& I remember them too...waking up in the wee hours of morning at an unknown place,having pestered everyone around me the previous night,sleeping alone mostly..everyone else was interested in viewing the marriage proceedings,you see...

Add to it,the journey back on a village terrain lit up by the early morning sun plus the early morning chill & all you get is an indelible memory..the sun,the breeze,the chill~all were the same then except for the feeling,one of belonging...all part & parcel of growing up in the east I'd say..


Growing up in erstwhile Bihar & later Jharkhand,I'd often argue with mom as to why I had to take early morning baths in November,that too on account of a festival we didn't even celebrate...Chatth,falling 6 days after Diwali,is the biggest festival you'd encounter in this part of the country...of course,there's no escaping the local fervour,no matter where you stay in the country...so,I made those bare-footed trips to the puja ghats with all and sundry,just to be a spectator...And in hindsight,I'm glad I did..
Now that my last journey to the puja ghats was almost 10 years ago,I miss them...those mornings shall never come again I know..

"beta!!..garmi bahut hai aur cooler aane mein abhi bhi ek-do din lagenge..aaj ke liye aapka bistar upar lagwa doon?"
The rooftop he meant...I had just found myself a room in Kota...**1st brush with freedom**
"theek hai uncleji magar cooler dila dena jitni jaldi ho sakey" I said,trying hard not to make it obvious that I'd actually have preferred the rooftop..
Lying under the star-lit,night sky I had felt different...My first train journey ever in my 18 years of existence had brought me there & I was to live alone,all on my own for the 1st time ever..
excitement/freedom or a mixture of the two??-I still don't know...
Tired after a long journey,I had slept all snug and comfy only to wake up early...the morning sky was clear without a hint of the sapping Rajasthan sun...A mild breeze and the longest stretch of the open,blue sky I've ever seen were motivation enough to make me leave my bed & stroll around on the roof..
There were others like me,lying around...6 in total,to be precise..
Watched birds fly by in exotic formations without the slightest inkling that it was to become a hobby in the days to come...the Bharatpur bird sanctuary wasn't far,I was told...Oh!!migratory birds...but wasn't I one too??
Could see hordes of girls walk down the street on their way to classes...
The Coaching institutes had been prudent enough to segregate the girls & guys into morning & evening batches respectively..
I looked around to see one of the guys who had just woken up rubbing his eyes vigorously...disbelief at the sheer multitude of gals or just the after-effects of a long night's sleep,I didn't know...Nevertheless,wry smiles were exchanged along with intros...Who better than gals to bring about GUY-BONDING...
The morning packed in much more...Dad left for home 2 hours later after warning me repeatedly against homesickness...To the contrary,I had difficulty suppressing a strange kind of pure,unadulterated joy...I had wings,that too without consuming that 'worse-than-cough-syrup' Redbull ...hehehe....freedom does that to you,I guess...another unforgettable morning

Mornings changed forever once I entered college...or so I felt till one day into our 6th term we decided to bunk the two 'token' afternoon classes & make an escape from monotony...
Off we were to Ratnagiri...a hilarious turn of events saw us land at Divyegarh beach in a direction exactly opposite to where we intended being..Not that we regretted it...
Having reached the beach late in the evening,we were initially skeptical as to where we were headed to.. you don't go to a beach at 10 p.m.. or do you??...

Pitch darkness coupled with the raging sound that only the ocean can make and things actually looked scary initially......Nevertheless,at times,company is all you need & we were 18 of us...
The beach,expectedly,was empty...
Nothing but two distant lighthouses at either end of the beach visible only as a distant flicker,I often had to question others if they could see more to reassure myself...
However,the beach came into its own in the moon-lit night soon after..
Drinks kept a few busy,some had a football while some others went to arrange food to the nearest village ...I preferred taking a walk down the beach...*& what an experience it was*

I've long had a weakness for water-bodies & sitting long-hours beside a lake or the sea shore is one activity I'd love to dabble in someday...However,some events earlier in life have ensured that I started fearing them as well...

A sumptuous Maharashtrian Dhaba dinner & a camp-fire fuelled birthday celebration later,we had enough time to kill before dawn...Some preferred to lie down on the beach,the cool breeze & the silence which no longer seemed eerie proving too good to resist...I preferred another long walk & this time I had company...drunk friends can be fun talking to,you know...far from civilisation,the night had turned memorable,it was the best I had felt in a long,long time...

Waves washing our feet,distant trees swaying in the light breeze & just the moonlight & the flicker of the lighthouses for company it was all an other worldly feeling...an occasional hark of a bird overhead & some thoughtful conversation was just the icing on the cake...

The moonlight began dimming by 3:00 a.m.(not that we had any idea of  time) & that short duration when the sun wasn't out & the moon had just gone was kinda amazing...Needless to say,none of us had ever observed such a thing,that too in such heavenly surroundings...as we simply gazed into the horizon,all silence,even as some others snored away to glory,we knew we had just witnessed something special~a special morning...

could it get any better??...As time would tell,yes,it could...

Just two months later,I was to find myself on a window-side seat in a state bus from Chennai to Puducherry at 5 in the morning...

That morning has stood out as one of my best travel memories...& why not??...Travel along the east coast for not 1 or 2 but a full 5 hours with each of the constituents of 'my ideal morning' present~the breeze,the morning chill & the lovely early morning rising sun with the sea on either side...Ah!!I loved it..

'filter kaapi(coffee),elaichi biscuits & the early morning east coast~bliss'-->read my facebook status that day....

How I wish some morning betters it soon!!...Amen to that

Clicked on another memorable morning at Puri beach,Orissa

Q and A...

He seemed troubled...
Having ordered his favourite drink,I finally asked "something wrong??"
no reply...
I was with an old friend...having shared the good,bad and the ugly of life through school,we are the types people term 'chuddy-buddies' 

With him finally making the move to pune...I finally had a schoolmate in my adopted city...
A smile played on my lips as I remembered the pledge we had taken on the last day of school "till spouses and careers do us part"...
#the irony had made me smile....
Our busy schedules not permitting an earlier meeting,it was a relief when we both finally found time for a meeting one friday evening...

However,his rather strange mood was threatening to ruin the whole evening...

I knew I had to ask him...doing it the right way seemed the immediate challenge...
the drinks arrived and I knew that was the moment...

"whats troubling you??"...no reply still
"come on...you can tell me"...

"why do some women have to behave the way they do??"...
I wasn't prepared for that question...
Anyways,my relative inexperience would have rendered me useless...so I preferred being silent and knowing him,I waited for him to speak again...
#the last I heard of him he was seeing a schoolmate who was pursuing law in the same city...


"why is that you are tantalized bit by bit every time,hints thrown at you in hordes even though you are unwilling to pick them and then,in that one moment when you let your guard down,in that one moment of child-like vulnerability...your dreams are crushed with an iron hand??...got answers boy??"I was puzzled and shocked at the same time...he wasn't making sense...
"care to elaborate??"....that was the best I could think of...

He went on for the next 15 min or so and by the time he stopped I was already having a sense of deja vu...
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#Apparently,after years of  patience,he finally had mustered the courage to talk to the girl he had secretly liked all these years....his patience had been rewarded and the girl had reacted back favourably...
A demand of an elaboration on the word 'favourably'  was met with surprise initially and then he continued...
He would never have expressed his feelings for her had it not been for one serendipitous meeting at a mall one weekend...And even though he wanted to ask for her number,his usual shy self  had prevented him from doing so...She probably gauged his feelings and gave him her number on the pretext of catching up again....
Was it a signal??...he couldn't fathom...

He decided to take it as it came instead of rushing into things...**at least being a friend was better than being a  nobody**...or so he thought..
An accepted facebook friend request and a couple of very formal online chats later....the confusion still persisted...
However,all that was to change soon....
Him being a passionate theatre artist in his free time,he was very often seen on stage in some play or the other...Time and again,the idea of inviting her to one of his shows crossed his mind but his same old hesitatant self stopped him from doing so....

A sms one Friday evening was the harbinger of things to come...
It was the girl expressing displeasure at being kept in the dark about what she felt was a 'special ability' of his...
The feeling the message evoked in him was warm...she had complained in a manner which had given him a sense of belonging...was it a sign??...he still wasn't sure..
He immediately sent her a pass for his next play...
One meeting led to another....#just to add,my friend isn't boring...he's just shy
She seemed to enjoy his company...as did he....
With conversations ranging from topics as diverse as school-time crushes to their respective career paths and the amount of time they had started spending together,it was but inevitable that someday there would be a discussion on their romantic interests....

And it happened....and he stopped there...refusing to go ahead with the story...

I knew I had to guess the rest...which was actually easy...
Isnt it??....Probably you'd have guessed it by now...
The girl's behaviour had changed dramatically the moment he confessed his feelings for her...which actually came as a shocker to him..
Even though it was so unlike him,he had felt bitter...
He needed answers....and he ended up questioning the girl over what she meant everytime she cribbed about not having a boyfriend,about all the sweet nothings which gave him a feeling of gentle surrender,about all the nicknames she had given him,all the firsts she said she could have shared with no one else....If those weren't hints then what were they??
Her expressions had changed from amazement to bewilderment and her answer bordered on disgust ..she had obviously been misunderstood and that reflected in her answer...


No blaming the girl,no blaming the boy...I was lost...
My friend expected a few words from me...good,bad or ugly,he'd have lapped them all...But I somehow preferred a stoic silence...#An old habit I picked from a teacher of mine...not reacting when you are most expected to...It shocks some,amazes some,some even end up cursing me but for me its utility has never been lost....
Not that I had much of an option...Having known both of them since school,I was pretty sure none of them was in the wrong....

The fact that I didn't react the way he expected me to had irked him....he went into a monologue...he kept on speaking for about 10 mins revealing layers of whatever he had shared with her...#the booze and the emotions combined were beginning to show up....
Another drink and the monologue later,he stopped....all silence...
"does love even exist??"....he suddenly sprang back to life and threw that question at me...just when I thought he was done for the night...
Not surprisingly,I didnt have an answer....I had been clueless about much of what he had asked me that evening....
The question had been asked.....
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After having gazed at each other expressionless for quite sometime,I decided we needed a mood-lifter...
Not much later,we were walking down MG Road to a famous kulfi shop....Kulfi had been one of his favourites in school...

The shop was still some 50 metres away when we noticed a middle-aged couple coming out of the shop with their cup of kulfi...the cup in his hands,the man occasionally slipped in a spoon or two of kulfi into the lady's mouth as well... #while PDA usually is a strict no-no with me,this sight somehow didn't make me uncomfortable...courtesy,what was to follow next...

Feeding her the dessert,a small piece stuck beside her lips...The woman didn't notice it,the man did,as did we...the next moment,the man gave a sneaking glance all around and scooped out that piece from her face into his mouth...the woman seemed embarrassed and gave him the usual 'arrey-log kya sochenge??-kya-aap-bhi-bacchon-ki-tarah??' ...of course,all that was in good humor and she had enjoyed it as much as the man....
An instant smile played on our lips which changed into a full-scale laugh once we crossed them...we finally had a mood-lifter and that too,before the kulfi...

we grabbed our kulfis and were straddling down the road still smiling when he said "dude!!...I've had my answer"...I just smiled...his questions had been answered....as were some of mine...


Love existed...and has lived happily,ever after :-)
#On a sidenote....Couldn't help wondering why most doctors and lawyers end up marrying one of their kind??
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return to innocence...

A long hiatus it has been....part lazy,part busy,part distressed…its all been happening in the previous month or so…what you are about to read was started a month ago during vacations and lying unfinished ever since…so what made me finally take it up??..Time??..nah!!..I’ve always had enough time to scribble...Just that I needed to write this time to get some peace,a feeling which nothing but writing gives me…

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Mood-thoughtful/confused….okkay!!..I’ll go with ‘confused’

Whats on??-6 monthly 15 day vacations….

With AFMC choosing to close for vacations when every other university/college has exams,there isn’t much scope of hanging out with like-minded people of a similar age-group,leave alone buddies from school ..sigh!!

Add the unbearable heat to the equation and you have an almost impossible situation...

This usually happens to me during vacations….I run out of ideas as to how to spend time…the customary visits to relatives usually finishes in a week or so and then I’m clueless…and I dare say,maybe it’s the same with most kilroys..

So it wasn’t much of a surprise when my cousin,a year senior to me at medical SCHOOL(yes,all puns intended),called me up and asked me to join him on a whirlwind tour to our kith and kin…we do it almost everytime our holidays coincide…. After all,who’d want to miss out on a chance to relive those sweet-nothings from childhood,mere mentions of which makes life seem bearable again …

Plans were swiftly put to action and we met at our grandpa’s place in Ranchi…

#a word about Ranchi- the place has been special…every visit revokes memories of vacations which were virtual family get-togethers…from rides on pedal rickshaws(there aren’t any in JAMSHEDPUR)which I enjoyed on mom’s lap to the Christian way of life(Ranchi has one of the largest Christian populations in the country),its given me memories which have lasted…..from the numerous churches to my mom’s college,I visited them all as a child,again,something new for me….not to mention the once legendary softys at FIRAYALAL and KAVERI and the capital’s streetfood near Pustak Path..
even though the people who pampered me to those have moved on in life(my ‘maasis’ are long married and I am now a doting ‘bhaiyya’ to their Dimpy’s and Monty’s….##another reason why this city has endeared itself to me)I love going there again…and again…..and again..



THE BRAT PACK

A quick visit to all relatives would take three days …or so we thought…until we ran into our 7 year old twin cousins ..

So,after having overcome threats of Anshan(#the anna hazare effect)from them by leaving late in the night(bhaiyya must not go tonight,they had threatened,only to fall asleep at 10) and being made to hog like never before(why do all mummies/maasis think they can turn you into Hercules just in one meal???)….we had set out for GRANDMA’s village the next morning…

NH 33::Travelling in a packed MESO bus(#in local parlance,these are govt buses sized somewhere b/w a 407 and a coach bus running over short distances,say 60-70 kms)on a bright sunny morning wasn’t exactly how I would have pictured a day in my vacation…but the thrill of meeting ‘the grand old lady’ again dwarfed all such feelings....

Even though it was hot and stuffy inside,the scenery outside more than made for it …the recent rains had been indication enough and sowing had begun in fields…and someone in the bus put on a late 90’s song on his mobile “ankhiyaan milaun kabhi ankhiyaan churaun kya tune kiya jadoo…kabhi ghabraun kabhi gale lag jaun,mera khud pe nahin kaabu…bina payal ke hi baje ghungroo”….
RAJA was the movie and I got it in a flash…I could picture Madhuri dancing atop a car and Sanjay Kapoor(yes,I remember him as well...lol) staring part in admiration,part shell-shocked…A smile ensued and it was nostalgia again…

dunno about you all but I grew up on a lavish dosage of hindi music from the late 90’s…FLOYD and Clapton happened much later.…needless to say,I enjoyed it and the many others that followed till the guy left at his stop…

Our village being a good 7 kms hike on foot from where the bus dropped us,we stocked ourselves with cold-drinks and water bottles…capped,knap-sacked and bottled plus a camera to click at just about anything and everything,off we were….. with no transport available for a major part of the journey,we hurried coz the heat was getting stronger….

Enter the terrain…

Both our trips being long ago,neither of the two was confident of the track.Besides,this was the first time we were unaccompanied by someone with knowledge of the terrain.
Add to that,our knowledge of the local lingo,rather,the utter lack of it and things could have gone horribly wrong if we were to lose track...

However,big bro was confident about a transformer,a primary school and a pond coming somewhere on the way…the rest we’d decipher,he felt...

The way to my village is what one would describe as a traveller’s paradise….2 villages passed,a river crossed,not without some splashes though and countless fields,from rice to brightly coloured crops which I couldn’t identify….it is a visual delight,to say the least..

The first village wasn’t far from the highway…a road running through it,electricity facilitating bollywood numbers from the 90’s blaring through aluminium speakers,the horn of the trucks passing slowly fading away…add to it the mobiles…flashy sets and almost everyone seemd to have one…we exchanged wry smiles as a guy on a bicycle passed by,music blaring from his mobile…

The Village crossed,we passed a long stretch of muddy fields to reach our first landmark,the transformer…The second village had begun and we often received curious looks by women,children and groups of young men playing cards…An angry shout by an old man smoking beedi shocked me initially only to later realise that it was for his pair of oxen who were straying into a field..however,that proved a timely reminder of the fact that it was a maoist-infested area and we decided to be more cautious then onwards….not much later,we were to come across a writing on the wall proclaiming ‘jo bho vote dene jayega usey kaat ke 2 foot ka bana diya jayega’…

Shocking though it was,we knew it had little to do with us…the pond and the primary school suddenly seemed to appear much sooner....hehehe

out of the village,the river was some 300 metres away… After reaching the river and having splashed around,we had a quick dip in whatever was left of the river which became such a ravaging beast during the rains…

Not far from where we were was a radio being played by a young lad,a towel on his head saving him from the heat while his goats grazed away to glory…another of his mates was bringing his buffaloes for a bath..Innocence..!!

Checking for the time on my mobile,I noticed weak signal strength…and surprisingly,I heaved a sigh of relief…Finally,some time away from the 'clutches of technology'

Granny was waiting for us,as was delicious home-bred chicken cooked in her inimitable style…

Curious about the title ??

Its a tribute to an ENIGMA song by the same name...so very soothing...highly recommended

Going back to where you belong is such a humbling experience…always

yeah!such pictures do exist beyond social science textbooks...

For people who ply their trade in big cities where a ‘man-eat-man’ world exists,
people who lead lives which doesn’t give them time to sit back and relax,
people who are addicted to technology,
people who’ve only books to fall back to picture a village by a river,
people who just can’t take the jealousy that exists in every sphere of life….
a day at an INDIAN Village is the perfect panacea..

While listening to VIVIDH BHARATI on radio,the sole thought I got was when did I listen to radio last??....I had no clue..

While splashing around in the river,I couldn’t remember when the last bath that I had enjoyed…mind you,the sole reason I end up taking early morning baths is to keep the kumbhakaran in me awake during morning classes :P

While I dreaded early morning PT’s back in college,a walk to a stream by a mountain which flowed on the other side of the village seemed such a pleasure…

An outward show which seems to exist almost everywhere was untraceable in those parts…

Road to el dorado??...nah!!..just a hillock by a stream..

Next morning,when it was time to leave,we were handed over a bag of home-made delicacies sufficient for an entire army…

can’t blame the old lady though…She loves us like anything…

And if we thought,that was it,we were mistaken for granny handed us 1000 rupee notes with a simple instruction “beta!!...pasand ki mithai kha lena”…to say that we were overwhelmed would be an understatement…
And here I have a confession to make-when younger,I touched her feet simply because she showered me with those insanely huge amounts of cash,the instruction then being “beta!!...mela ghoom lena”….well,growing up has tightened those screws and now,respect and love comes from within….a feeling very few people manage to evoke….

RETURN TO INNOCENCE??....what else if not this??

HAIL DIVINE MOTHER!!

The return trip next morning was rounded-off by a trip to the famed DEWRI TEMPLE,which is stuff of legend in these parts and for me,it’s the ultimate fall-back option in times of distress…

a must visit if you ever come to this part of the country…

P.S.-on a PSM village visit some two months back,I was amazed to know that some of my batchmates had never been to a village...well,I've just one thing to tell you mates....you've been missing out on an experience fit to be treasured and passed on to posterity..these are the things that distinguish just another vacation from a truly great one......

is it love??....

First things first....I'm not a big fan of KOFEE with KARAN.....frankly speaking,I found CHAI with CHARAN(a spoof with CYRUS SAHUKAR doing the funny job) much more watchable....
However,this episode of KwK caught my attention out of the blue....

Exams were on....with a practical exam to give the next day,I was all set for a night-out...
12:30 a.m....I was sleepy,yet itching for a break and somewhere I heard a girlish giggle on someone's speakers...sounded familiar...and lo!!...it was PIGGY CHOPS...
well!!!..I could harp for ages as to why I find her so irresistible...but I'll stop with a small 'beauty+witty' tag....and of course,the fact that she reminds me of something....yeah!!...something,something....

well!!..now the relevant part...if ever you end up having a girl in your life and you are confused about the exact status of your relationship....<'just-good-friends' type or you really have something working between the two of you.....or god forbid,you are on the way to becoming a 'rakhi brother'>...have a look at this video.....never seen such sizzling chemistry except when a couple is in love .....

this episode gave me a genuine laugh....and well!!..made me feel good...muah!!

so much chemistry....so much blushing......so much fun....

If you ever end up sharing such chemistry with a person of the opposite sex,you gotta believe you are in love.....at least I would





P.S.-When it comes, will it come without warning
         Just as I'm picking my nose?
        Will it knock on my door in the morning,
        Or tread in the bus on my toes?
        Will it come like a change in the weather?
        Will its greeting be courteous or rough?
        Will it alter my life altogether?
        O tell me the truth about love.

-WH Auden

:/

There was a time when I thought I couldn't possibly be any happier....But then you left.